uncertainty

Will i go or will i stay? Lord help me decide.

I have been waiting for this opportunity. I eally wanted to work overseas, to earn triple than what I am earning here. The Singapore trip was actually a try-my-luck trip aside from going around and sight seeing. We have to accept the fact that a lot of Filipinos are dying to go out of the country and work overseas. Since I was already overseas, I maximized my stay in Singapore and tried applying for a job.

Now, IBM responded to my application. I was offered a job. They even called me up here n the Philippines to advise me that I need to submit my school credentials. I was happy then.

For some reason, the happiness and excitement I was feeling faded away. A few days before I got the call, my brother who happens to work in KSA, phoned us, telling my mom sorry for some wrong decisions he made. That resulted him needing a huge amount of money that very day. My mom, a mother as she is, cannot afford to see her son falling into something. She told me not to ask first and urged me to help my bother who is in need. For her, solve the problem first before talking about it. It was a heavy load for a mother thinking whatever the problem her son was having for she never had a clue.

We have not really bounced back from that problem and here came another one. Our eldest, driving alone fell off a cliff. His car is a total wreck, good thing my brother is still alive. But that caused to be in hospital bed for days and he had to be operated on. That was something that really shattered our worlds.

I saw my mom in pain. Worried about some things she could not do anything. My mom has gone through several medical procedures. Has had mild strokes. Sad thing is, her memory is affected by stroke. There was a time that she could not remember why were home, why bobby was working overseas, stuff like that. I would not want to see my mom losing her memory to the point of not recognizing us.

Things have gone mad these past few weeks, Are these just part of the test? Is Singapore not really a place for me to work?

Now I am torn. I have deadline to beat. I can’t ask the company to wait for me until I would be ready working with them. I appreciate the accommodation being given to me by the OPUS guys

To my sweetheart, thank you for everything. I am deeply sorry if I have already failed even before the real battle has begun.

I am torn. Still, I cannot decide.